The Willpower Gym

The first sip is the best. Or the first bite. Or the first dark chocolate-covered almond (I call them scormonds).

That’s part of what inspired the Willpower Gym.

At a point in my life when I knew I was using French fries, scormonds, and decaf coffee as coping-eating, I struggled to quit, or to even care. I could feel my willpower muscles atrophying as I grieved and consumed, filling the mother-shaped hole in my heart with those poor substitutes for comfort.

My consumption was leaving me feeling full of ick, yet empty of confidence and trustworthiness. I kept telling myself *this* box of fries would be the last, or this container of scormonds would last me the *whole* week, or *today* I’d drink water, too. But it was unhealthy self-deceptive spiraling, and after some time I knew in my heart I wanted to set a better example for grieving for my kids. I wanted to be trustworthy to myself, and I wanted to take care of myself even if I didn’t feel good.

Through this process, I was sharing with a friend how even when I was attempting to consume mindfully, trying to savor each sip or fry, the quality of enjoyment still waned, steeply dropping off after the first taste, and could even disappear – and yet I’d keep eating, stuffing my discomfort. I named this phenomenon “The First Sip Effect” (and then quickly found out I didn't name it first). But that didn’t matter. What mattered was now that I’d had this insight, I needed to figure out how to apply it. Enter the Willpower Gym.

I decided to continue to self-soothe by consuming (as opposed to stopping cold-turkey and being harsh with myself) but to aim to have just the first "sip" and truly savor it. And then wait. When another wave of grief or craving would come crashing in, I could decide then if I’d go to the gym, eat the whole box, or actually use any tools in my toolbox to metabolize the emotions.

At first, I’d have the one thing right away, as soon as I wanted it. I’d get that micro-hit of comfort, savor the shit out of it, then perhaps get to work with metabolizing by feeling and processing.

Then I started delaying the consumption, first by just a minute, to really be with the sensation of the craving, to discover what lay underneath. I continued to delay more and more.

Then I moved some of the metabolizing to before the first sip. I continued to play with different versions until I could really feel my willpower muscles strengthening. I gained trustworthiness and began to feel more confident in all areas of my life. I talked to my kids about the Willpower Gym and brought it in as a tool in our collective toolbox.

There are many ideas about the effectiveness and usefulness of willpower. The willpower-as-a-muscle makes much more sense to me than willpower-as-a-battery (replenished overnight by sleeping). I still go the Willpower Gym, for different reasons. It’s become a useful place for me; I aim to maximize my hedonic pleasure with that First Sip Effect, all in the service of the long-term, values-oriented joy of eudaimonia.